How to Avoid a War
by stell-adora
Summary: Jim's finally finished school, which means he and his teacher Sebastian no longer have to keep their relationship a secret. But their happiness is short lived when Sebastian confesses he's been called back into the army.
1. Chapter 1

_Thanks so much to my wonderful Jim, writer-jesus!_

* * *

Jim came out of his final exam grinning; he had finally finished school. No more boring lessons, no more pointless tests. He grabbed his bag and made his way to the classroom of his favourite teacher - favourite mainly because of their secret relationship they'd been having for the past six months. Then end of school meant the end of hiding. "Hey," he smiled as he entered the room, making his way over to the desk, behind which sat Mr. Moran.

"Hey," said Sebastian, not at all in a good mood. He knew he should be happy; he and Jim could properly be together now that the boy had finished school. But the telephone call he'd gotten that morning suggested otherwise. Jim was going to be so upset when he found out. Sebastian wished he could just forget about it, and make the time he had now with Jim count, but try as he could, he was unable to push the thought from his mind. All the same, he tried to smile and pretend everything was fine.

Jim moved to lean against the desk in the front row and cocked his head to the side. "What happened?" he asked, not bothering with any small talk. Sebastian stood up and gathered Jim into an embrace. He paused, miserably burying his face in the boy's neck and wishing he didn't have to say this. "I've been called back into the army, Jim." Jim froze at these words and clung to Sebastian.

"No…" he whispered in disbelief. He ran his fingers through Sebastian's hair. "No no no. You're…you're supposed to be here…with me." Sebastian held him tighter, angry tears threatening to spill out of his eyes. Why _now_?

"I know. You were going to finish school, and we were going to be together properly," Sebastian said in dismay. All their plans were ruined now. "I don't want to leave you," he whispered. Jim turned his head to kiss Sebastian's temple gently. Why was the only good thing in his life being ripped away from him?

"Wh- when are you expected?" he asked, trying to keep his voice from trembling.

"Next month. The seventeenth. I'm so sorry, Jim. So, so sorry." His face was so buried in Jim's shoulder that he could hardly be heard. Jim held him tightly and kissed whatever part of the man he could reach; cheek, ear, neck.

"It's okay," he said quietly, continuing to comb his fingers through the other man's hair. "I know, love. I'm sorry too. You'll come back and I'll be here waiting. I always will." In an effort to control the tears that threatened to fall from his eyes, Sebastian took a deep breath and pulled away, just a little, so he was able to look into Jim's eyes.

"I don't know how long it's going to be," he confessed. "Jim, it…it could be years."

"That's okay," Jim smiled, his own eyes getting watery. "I'll wait. As long as I need to. As long as you still love me. Just…come back to me, okay?"

"Of course I love you, I'm always going to love you," Sebastian replied, somehow smiling despite the fact that his heart felt like it was crumbling. "And I will come back. I promise. As soon as I can." He ran his hand along Jim's back comfortingly. The boy leaned back into the soothing touch.

"We still have time left, you know," Jim breathed. "I want to spend it with you. I…" he cleared his throat a little. "I was going to tell you my parents are going away for two months on some cruise…so we can be together a lot more." He gave a sheepish smile.

"Perfect," Sebastian said. He was determined to make the most of the time they had left together. "Do you…d'you want to go to your house, then?" he asked, surprised at how shy his voice sounded. Jim chuckled lightly at the man's tentative tone.

"If you want. Or yours. I don't care." He rested his head on Sebastian's chest. "I just want to be with you."

Sebastian held Jim closer to himself. "Jim?" he asked quietly. He didn't want them to rush into anything, but he so desperately wanted to be closer to Jim. "Before I leave, do you think you're ready to…?"

"Ready to…? Sleep with you?" Jim said, cocking his head to the side innocently.

"Yeah," Sebastian said. God, it almost felt wrong for him to ask something like that of someone so much younger. "I mean, we don't have to. I only want to if you're ready," he said quickly. Jim smiled and felt himself flush a bit. He pecked Sebastian's cheek lightly.

"Yes. I do want to, Seb." Jim hugged him tighter.

"Well, then," said Sebastian, trying to keep his voice from shaking. "Let's go." Jim had been to his flat many times, but usually they'd waited until later, when people were less likely to notice the boy getting into his car. Jim nodded and pecked Sebastian's cheek again.

"Love you," Jim said as he held Sebastian's hand, giving a reassuring squeeze, and started to make his way to the door.

"I love you too," Sebastian said, smiling as he followed Jim. He stopped just before Jim opened the door. "Are you sure you want to...? Holding hands, I mean. People are still around," he said nervously. Jim sighed and reluctantly let go of Sebastian's hand.

"Right, sorry, wasn't thinking," he nodded. Sebastian slowly put his arm around Jim's waist protectively.

"You know, technically, you're done with school," he said. "We could, if you want to. I mean, they can't do anything now." Jim brightened up at that and smiled as he felt Sebastian's arm around his waist. He silently retook Sebastian's hand in his, entwining their fingers. "Come on, then." Sebastain smiled and opened the door, leading Jim through the hallway to his car.

They walked alongside each other, as close as possible. Luckily, many of the students and staff had either already left, or were still in the exam rooms.

No one noticed them, or if they did, they didn't ask any questions. Once they got outside, into the parking lot, Sebastian let go of Jim's hand and got into the car. When Jim sat down, Sebastian looked at him for a moment, then laughed. "That went better than expected," he said.

Jim broke into a grin when Sebastian looked at him. "Luck's on our side then." He said, nudging Sebastian with his elbow. He leaned back in the seat and relaxed, taking a deep, slow breath. Sebastian gave Jim's hand another squeeze before he started the car and began the drive to his flat. He tried not to think about it too much, but he knew this would be one of the last times he and Jim made this drive for a long time.


	2. Chapter 2

Sebastian drove for a while, lost in thought and not speaking. "I don't want to go, Jim," he said after a while. He looked straight ahead, his face contorted in sadness.

Jim stared out the window as they drove, taking in the scenery as much as he could. He looked over to Sebastian when he spoke up and frowned a little. He scooted over as much as he could with his seatbelt on and rested his hand lightly against his shoulder. "I know, Seb. I don't want you to either."

"Why the hell did they have to call _me_? There are plenty of others who've got nothing to live for, just wishing they could go back and relive their 'glory days'. Why did they choose the one guy who has something to keep him here?" Angry tears began to run out of Sebastian's eyes, slightly blurring his vision. He wiped them away, getting angrier still at this display of emotion.

Jim sat up straighter in his seat and held onto Sebastian's arm. "Seb, pull over." Sebastian couldn't drive like this; he probably couldn't see very well through his tears, and he'd probably speed up because he was angry.

"Why? I'm _fine_," he snapped, trying to be strong despite the tears still pouring down his cheeks.

"Sebby." Jim pleaded. "Please. You're going to crash if you keep this up..."

"They wouldn't take me if I was already wounded..." he mused, still driving.

Jim sighed lightly and resumed his touch on Sebastian's shoulder. "I know..." He licked his lips, contemplating. "You could fake something. Say you're sick. Mental illness or something..."

"Jim, I need you to get out of the car," said Sebastian suddenly. He pulled over, staring at him intently. Jim blinked in complete surprise and lifted his head to stare at Sebastian.

"Why?"

Sebastian sighed, wondering what he should say. Jim definitely wouldn't be pleased with this plan, but it was Sebastian's best option. He'd be a bit banged up, yes, but healing would take a lot less time than the war. "Please, just do as I say."

Jim shook his head and stayed put. "Not until you tell me why." He looked at Sebastian with a mix of worry and confusion. "Please."

Sebastian took Jim's hand earnestly. "I need you to trust me. I have a plan, but you need to get out of the car first."

Jim wrapped his arms around Sebastian's shoulders, holding him tightly, stretching out the seat belt. "I do trust you... I will, okay? Just...please just tell me, Seb. You're scaring me..."

"I can't tell you, you won't like it." Sebastian kissed his neck. "It'll be okay. Do as I ask, please. Just do this for me," he said, a bit more sternly. He needed to do this while his resolve stuck.

"If you know I won't like it, I'm definitely not leaving."

"Jim, get out of my car," Sebastian struggled to keep his voice under control. "I'm doing this for _you_, and it's going to be _fine_!"

Jim looked at Sebastian, then his eyes widened. "You're..." His voice cracked a little. "You're going to hurt yourself...aren't you?"

Sebastian sighed. "Yes," he finally said. There was no point in trying to sugar coat it now.

Jim felt tears well up in his eyes. "No." He said firmly. "No no no no." He shook his head. "You can't. I won't let you." A few tears slipped from his eyes. "We can do something else. Fake papers and reports. I can do that. I know how. Y-you don't have to..." He broke down.

"Oh, god," Sebastian whispered, hugging Jim close to him. "Don't cry, Jim. There's no other way. People try to fake their papers all the time, they always get caught. It won't be too bad, just enough to get me out of service. I'll heal, and then we can be together like we said we would."

Jim shook his head vehemently and sobbed into Sebastian's chest. "No no no. I won't let you...I can't. I'd never forgive myself Seb. Never." He wrapped his arms tightly around Sebastian's neck. "I could do it. I could. I wouldn't get caught..." He hiccuped as he cried.

"Shhh," Sebastian murmured, rubbing Jim's back a bit. "You need to trust me. It won't be too bad. And it won't be your fault. Please, just..." his voice cracked a bit as he fought back even more tears, "get out of the car."

Jim held onto Sebastian tighter. "No," he said firmly. "If you're going to do it, then I'm staying here."

"Jim, that's stupid," Sebastian said, getting a bit fed up. It was touching that Jim cared about him, yes, but this was the _only_ way! Sebastian was doing it for Jim, and it wasn't going to be anything major. Just some scrapes and bruises so that the army wouldn't take him. "You're not the one who's been drafted. You'd be getting hurt for no reason."

Jim shoved Sebastian's chest. "And you're stupid for doing it!" His sadness was slowly turning into frustration and anger. "It'll take more than a few scrapes and bruises for the army not to take you Seb. And what if something goes wrong? I could _lose_ you Seb. Do you even realize what that would do to me?!"

"_Nothing_ will go wrong! You need to trust me. Everything will be fine, just get the hell out of the car!"

Jim kissed Sebastian fiercely for a moment. "I love you. I love you more than you have any idea, and I swear to whatever god that may exist, if anything happens to you..." He leaned forward for another kiss, tears streaming down his face. "I love you." He slowly got out of the car and crossed his arms over his chest.

Sebastian exhaled sharply after the last kiss. "I love you, too," he mouthed through the window to Jim. He bit his lip and started the car again. He drove for a little while, trying to build up his nerves, and also trying to get far enough away so that Jim wouldn't have to watch. After about two minutes, he came to a busy intersection. He drove into the middle of it, then slammed on his brakes. The car behind him collided with him forcefully, propelling Sebastian's car like a bullet farther into the road. At least three other vehicles slammed into the crumbling metal of Sebastian's car. His head hit the dashboard, and he lost consciousness. He stayed there, out cold, in the middle of a heap of wreckage, until a couple of EMTs pulled him out and put him in an ambulance.


	3. Chapter 3

Jim heard the cars honk, the crash, the screeching of metal. From his spot on the sidewalk, he heard and watched the ambulance fly, and forced himself not to cry. Sebastian would be okay. He'd promised. All Jim had to do was trust him... He managed to collect himself enough to walk home. He knew he wouldn't be allowed to visit Sebastian anytime today (family only and all that). He walked home, his mind and body numb. When he arrived home, he saw a note on the kitchen table. His parents had left for their cruise that afternoon and would see him in two months. They left Jim a credit card and some cash. Jim wandered to his room and collapsed on the bed. He prayed for the first time in his life, begging whatever higher power there was to keep his Sebastian safe. The tears on his face hadn't even dried by the time he fell asleep.

After two days, Jim nearly went mad with worry. It took everything he had not to just scream and cry and fear the worst. Though, at this point, he felt enough was enough. He got a cab to the hospital and politely asked for Sebastian's room. The nurse was nice enough to lead him there.

Sebastian had been right; the crash was enough to get him out of military service. A few broken bones, and a pretty bad concussion, along with quite a bit of blood loss. But he was 'out of the woods,' as the doctors told him. The hospital staff had tried to get in touch with his family, but obviously they'd been unsuccessful. Sebastian didn't have much of a family to speak of. That being said, it was a bit of a surprise to some of the nurses when a teenage boy came to the hospital, asking to see him.

"Try not to pester him too much," the nurse who was leading Jim warned. "He's still a little weak, and kind of...foggy." She retreated down the hall, leaving the two alone. He gave a polite nod and smile and entered Sebastian's room. His breath caught when he saw the state Sebastian was in and collapsed on the seat at his bedside.

"You stupid moron," he said, reaching for Sebastian's hand.

Sebastian pulled his hand away. "Do I know you?" he asked, looking at this strange boy suspiciously. The nurse had understated the situation a bit by saying Sebastian was 'foggy'. In fact, he'd lost most of his memory from the past year.

Jim froze when he heard what Sebastian say. He gasped slightly and sat back in the chair, pulling his hand away. "I..." He cleared his throat and tried to collect himself. He gave a short nod. "Yeah...we're friends." Understatement, but there was no need to make this more complicated than necessary.

"Oh," said Sebastian, his eyes narrowing. Really? He was 'friends' with a teenage boy? And from the lack of other visitors, this was his only friend. What kind of pathetic life must he have? "Alright," he sighed. "What's your name? Sorry I don't remember much..."

"Jim. Jim Moriarty." He said, his relief gone. Still, he tried to seem happy and gave a smile.

"Jim..." Sebastian repeated, wracking his brain, trying to remember something, anything about him. An image crept into the forefront of his mind; the two of them on a couch, kissing and holding each other. That couldn't be real. This kid was nearly half his age. He wasn't _that _kind of person…was he? Sebastian blushed a little, and stuttered over his words. "And we're...we're friends, yeah? Just...friends?"

Jim licked his lips nervously and noticed the blush on the man's cheeks. He must've remembered something...No use hiding it then. "Well...not exactly. We were...involved..."

Sebastian studied the boy's face. He seemed just as ill at ease as Sebastian was. "Right. I loved you," he said, his brow furrowed in concentration as a few memories trickled back into his brain. "I remember that very clearly," he said.

Jim smiled a little at that. "Yeah... you did this all," he motioned to Sebastian's battered form, "for me...us..." He swallowed thickly.

Sebastian took his hand gently. "I'm sorry. I've hurt you just as much as I've hurt myself, haven't I?"

Jim squeezed Sebastian's hand. "Not your fault... I mean, kinda but..." He managed a smile. "But you're alive. That's all I could ask for..." _Even if you don't remember me_, he mentally added.

Sebastian returned the smile, grateful that Jim was taking this so well. "Thank you," he said earnestly. "Jim...I know this is a lot to ask, but they keep saying that I'll get better a lot quicker if someone's here to help me. And...no one else seems to be coming. So...will you stay with me? You'd only have to come for a little bit, and not even every day if you don't want to," he said quickly, trying his best to convince him.

Jim smiled wider and relaxed in his seat. "Of course I'll stay." He rubbed Sebastian's hand with his thumb idly. "Every day. I promise."

You: "Good," said Sebastian with relief. He didn't really expect Jim to keep that promise; sitting here every day with someone who barely knew him would feel like torture. "So, can you tell me about us? Anything, even really small details might help."

Jim smiled sheepishly and bit his lip as he thought. "Um, well... you were my English teacher at school..." His eyes got a little more distant as he reminisced. "I was a complete prat for the first few weeks. Talking out of turn. Correcting you or the other kids whenever I could. I'd sleep in class, then ace the tests... I arrived late one too many times and you gave me detention...We wound up talking for a while. Mindless chitchat and banter, but we both found it fun... I would drop by your classroom whenever I had free time during and after school..." He snapped out of his thoughts and looked at Sebastian. "Does this seem...familiar, at all?"

Sebastian had been listening intently, eager to hear anything that would jog his memory. "I was a _teacher_?" he said in disbelief. He chuckled. "The doctors kept saying something about the army. Wasn't I a soldier?" He noticed he was still holding onto Jim's hand, and grasped it a bit tighter. It was really comforting, having someone here. He'd felt really lonely, trying to remember himself all on his own.

Jim laughed a little. "You were, but after you came back, you decided to teach." He shrugged a little. "I have no bloody idea why. I told you that you were insane for choosing to go _back_ to school." He squeezed Sebastian's hand back. "But...yeah. Then winter break came around and I told you that I wasn't going anywhere for the holidays. We decided to meet up for coffee the day before New Year's Eve and..." He shrugged. "I kissed you. You kissed me back. The rest was pretty much history."

"You kissed me," Sebastian repeated, trying to picture the scene. A memory floated up into his mind suddenly. The two of them, sitting by a window. And Jim leaned in, and… "And I was so surprised, I knocked my coffee off the table. It spilled everywhere, and the staff asked us to leave," he said, a huge smile spreading across his face as he remembered. "And then I took your hand as we left."

Jim blinked in surprise but smiled brightly. "Your face was red but you blamed it on the cold."

Sebastian laughed, then got quiet as he looked into Jim's brown eyes. "You were a student, though. Isn't that...illegal, or something?" he asked soberly.

The smile faded from Jim's face, leaving behind a neutral expression. He sighed lightly and chewed on his lip, nodding slowly. "Yeah...we kept it a secret..."

"How much older than you am I?" Sebastian asked. He felt a bit stupid for harping on about something that obviously hadn't bothered him before, but it was difficult to grasp the fact that he would do something like this.

Jim shifted in his seat. "About thirteen years..." He didn't really like talking about their age gap, but Sebastian wanted to know.

Sebastian could tell that Jim was uncomfortable, and felt a bit guilty. "Oh. Right." He bit his lip and tried to think of something else to say. "Things'll be okay, Jim. I'm sure I'll get my memory back soon, then everything will be the way it was."

Jim smiled a little. "I know. I'm fine, Seb. Don't worry about me." He rubbed circles on Sebastian's hand. "Just focus on you, okay?"

Try as he might, Sebastian just couldn't pretend to be happy right now. "No. I hurt you, Jim. I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean to, I couldn't have. I love you," he insisted.

Jim couldn't but tear up at Sebastian's genuine kindness. He kissed the man's hand softly. "It's okay Seb. I forgive you." He wanted to say something along the lines of this Sebastian didn't _actually_ love him since he had no memories, but he held his tongue. "I love you too." He smiled.

"Thank you," Sebastian whispered. "So," he said, his tone getting stronger, trying to steer the mood away from the incredibly sad turn it'd taken. "What else can you tell me about us? How long have we been together?"

Jim scooted the chair out a bit so he could rest his head on the bed. "Six months, and still going strong. Um... my parents aren't going to be at home for about two months, so we were planning to either live at my place or yours until they came back."

Nervously, Sebastian reached a hand up and began to stroke Jim's hair. Before he even laid a finger on it, he knew how it would feel. Surprisingly soft, almost like a feather. "What do they think about this whole situation? Your parents, I mean. I hope they like me," he said with a wry smile.

Jim licked his lips nervously as he leaned into the touch. "They...actually don't know yet..." He sighed lightly. "My parents...well, they're kind of strict. They wouldn't understand anyway..."

"Oh," said Sebastian, a little surprised. He thought about this for a moment. Jim's parents. He knew a lot about them, didn't he? "You talk about them a lot. Especially your father. You don't like him, do you?" he asked.

Jim shook his head, scoffing lightly. "Not liking him is a very mild way of putting it. But yes, I don't like him. Nor does he like me much." He shrugged a little. "Starting to remember?" He asked, happy and hopeful.

"Yeah," he nodded. "See, I'm doing really well. I'm sure I'll remember everything in no time," he said, smiling down at Jim.

Jim smiled back and sighed contently. "Good. Just don't push yourself, 'kay?"

Sebastian took the boy's hand. He was so grateful to him for agreeing to stay, even after all that had happened. The details from the day of the accident were still fuzzy, and the doctors hadn't been much help. He wondered if Jim knew anything about what had happened, like where he'd been going that day, and what had possessed him to stop in the middle of the road. "I won't. There's just one more thing, though. Something I've been wondering. What exactly happened? The day of the accident, I mean. All I remember is...you. You were there, but I can't remember anything you said." He looked nervously at Jim, hoping the answer wouldn't be something he didn't want to hear.

Jim tensed a little. Ever since the accident, Jim hadn't had a peaceful night's rest. He cleared his throat a little and hesitated. "You... You got a notice from the army," he said softly. "They were calling you back to serve...you didn't want to go and I didn't want you to leave either... We were on your way back to your apartment..." He bit his lip. "You told me to get out of the car...and then you..." He trailed off, unable to talk more.

Sebastian took a moment to process this new information. So this had been a deliberate act. And a pretty reckless one, at that. "Did I tell you what I was doing?" he asked, wanting the full picture. Jim bit his lip harshly and nodded. He rested his forehead on his arm, hiding his face from view. Gently, Sebastian put his hand on Jim's back, trying to comfort him. "Did you try and stop me?" he asked quietly. "Is that why I remember yelling at you? And you crying?" Jim nodded again, not trusting his own voice. Shakily, Sebastian exhaled. That must have been horrible for Jim. "Well...it's better than me going to war, right? I mean, I'm still here," he reasoned.

Jim tightened his grip on Sebastian's hand, not lifting his head just yet. "Yeah..."

"And I _will _remember everything. You'll help me, and...everything will be fine, Jim," Sebastian said, reassuring himself as much as Jim.

Jim tilted his head, giving Sebastian a small smile. His eyes were stinging with unshed tears. "Yeah. I know."

Sebastian looked at him. He was trying so hard to be strong. "Jim...are we always this sad?" he asked after a moment.

He laughed a little. "Not really, no. I mean, we would get down sometimes about having to hide but... we're happy. Very happy."

"Can we be happy now, then?" Sebastian grinned.

Jim nodded and sat up. "Yeah." He wiped his eyes. "Sorry, just... happy."

Sebastian pulled Jim's hand closer to him and, after a moment of hesitation, lightly kissed his palm. "Maybe once I get better, we could still move in together. I mean, if you want to."

Jim smiled and nodded. "I'd like that a lot." He swallowed thickly, hesitating for a moment. "Um, I actually need to use the bathroom, so I'll be right back, okay?" What he really was trying to say was, _I'm going to go bawl my eyes out in the bathroom because I'm just really relieved that you're okay, but I hate it when I cry in front of you, so please let me leave so I can have an ounce of dignity._

"Okay," Sebastian smiled. "I won't move, I promise." As if he could; there were wires and censors attached all over him.

Jim squeezed Sebastian's hand before letting go. "I'll be back then." He left quickly and found the nearest bathroom. Once inside, Jim locked the door behind him and cried out of pure relief. Everything was going to be okay. It _had _to be okay.

* * *

**Author's note: I've never had any experience with amnesia, so sorry if anyone is upset by this. I know it probably doesn't work this way, and it's probably a lot harder to get your memory back. Just suspend your disbelief for the sake of the story, okay?**


	4. Chapter 4

Sebastian sighed and looked out of the window for what seemed like the thousandth time that day. There really wasn't much to do in a hospital when there were no visitors. He tried to remember something, anything, about his life. After a few minutes, Jim collected himself and took deep breaths. He washed his face and dried it with some paper towels. He returned to Sebastian's room with a smile, and resumed his spot by his side. "So how are you doing?"

Listlessly, Sebastian turned his head to look at him. "Honestly? I'm bored and I want to leave. Other than the memory thing, I'm fine. I don't understand why I have to stay here," he said. He was fully aware of the fact that he sounded like a spoiled child, but that didn't change the way he felt.

Jim chuckled lightly. "Well the doctors are probably going to keep you here for two to three more days. If your body is doing well, they'll release you if they find someone to look after you, at least until your amnesia wears off."

"Great, well, looks like I'm going to be here for a while, then," Sebastian muttered. "Nobody's going to want to take care of me, even if they're paid to do it."

"I would." Jim said without hesitation or thinking.

Sebastian turned to him, his eyes shining. "I'm glad," he smiled. "But I don't think that's going to go over well with the doctors. I mean, you're just a kid."

Jim shrugged. "Hm, legally at least." He thought for a moment. "I could probably pull some strings though."

"Well, then, what are we waiting for? Let's get out of here," Sebastian said eagerly.

Jim chuckled lightly. "Patience. It'll take at least 24 hours, and besides, the doctors probably want to monitor you for at least another 48."

Sebastian rolled his eyes melodramatically. "What are we going to do in here for two days? The boredom will kill me a lot quicker than any car crash."

"Bite your tongue." Jim scolded. He rolled his neck. "Well, I'll visit as long as I can...which is about 9am to 7pm, so that'll keep you entertained for a bit. The rest of the time, I'd say sleep. The painkillers you're on must be pretty generous."

"Mhm," Sebastian said, taking Jim's hand again, thinking about all the other times he must have done so. Suddenly, a thought flashed into his mind. A memory. He looked up at Jim. "When we left school that day, we were going to my flat," he said. "We were going to...you said you wanted to...sleep together," he stuttered.

Jim smiled and entwined their fingers. His face turned bright red as he looked away from Sebastian, flustered. "I mean...yeah, we were thinking about it. I mean, possibly. It- I... Yeah."

"For the first time," Sebastian went on, still starting at Jim. He knew he probably shouldn't be, and that it was a somewhat delicate topic, but he couldn't help himself. Remembering anything was a good sign, right?

Jim coughed a little and nodded. "Yeah. First time." If he wasn't so embarrassed, he would be happy Sebastian was remembering so much so quickly.

"Sorry," he sighed, finally dropping Jim's hand. "That's...we don't need to talk about it."

Jim looked back to Sebastian, and instantly grabbed his hand again. "No, it's fine. I just..." He ran his free hand through his hair. "It's just kind of embarrassing..."

Sebastian smiled and ran his thumb back and forth along Jim's hand. "Don't be embarrassed," he said. He looked down, trying to think of a way to change the subject.

Jim smiled and felt the color start to fade from his face. "You'd say that to me a lot." He pointed out. "When we first got together, I would get, well, flustered over tiny things. Holding hands, kisses on the cheek, etc."

"I always felt like I was rushing you," Sebastian said. It wasn't a memory, it was more of a confession. "You'd just always seem so...innocent. Every time we did something, I was worried you were only doing it because I wanted you to."

Jim blinked in surprise. "No no no." He waved his hand dismissively. "No, it's just... I've never had a very affectionate family so the whole," he moved his hand in a vague circle, "relationship-affection thing is new to me. I do want to. I just don't know _how,_ really."

"Right." Sebastian loosened his grip on Jim's hand; a thought had come to him. "Jim...you were angry with me the last time we talked. I mean, before the accident. And now, I'm...well, I'm not exactly the same, am I? I'm not the Sebastian that you had before." He cleared his throat nervously. "Do you...do you still love me?" His voice was small and scared. He wouldn't blame Jim if he said no, but he wanted to be certain one way or the other.

Jim sighed lightly. "I wasn't _mad_ really...Concerned. Scared. Sad, a bit... But not angry." He squeezed Sebastian's hand, smiling. "I do. Even with no memories, you're still the man I fell in love with. Even if you can't remember." He brought Sebastian's hand to his lips, kissing his knuckles one at a time.

Sebastian let out a sigh of relief and contentment. "I love you, too, Jim. I mean..." he hesitated, not knowing exactly how to put the feeling into words. "I remember loving you. I know I'm supposed to, and I know you're such an amazing, wonderful person, but...it's sort of like meeting someone for the first time. You know them by reputation, so you already know what you think of them, and you're just...waiting for proof. Sort of like that," he blushed.

Jim stared at Sebastian for a moment, slight awe and affection in his eyes. "You..." He smiled. "You really are something, you know that?"

Sebastian chuckled and looked away, his blush deepening. "Thanks, I guess," he said, not quite knowing what Jim meant.

Without much thinking, Jim leaned forward and kissed Sebastian's cheek. "You're welcome, I guess," he echoed jokingly.

A smile spread across Sebastian's face. "You're really something, too. Not many people would spend their day sitting in a hospital room, talking to someone who has no memory of who they are."

Jim returned the smile. "Something you should know now: I'm not like most people." He said so proudly, though if he had said something similar nine months ago, his tone would be very, very different.

"Really?" said Sebastian, mockingly surprised. "I had no idea. Well, everything's clear now!"

Jim rolled his eyes and nudged Sebastian lightly. "Oi, shut up."

Sebastian laughed. "Make me, then," he teased.

Jim cocked an eyebrow and his eyes gleamed. "Oh, is that a challenge I hear?"

"Mmm, perhaps. What do you plan to do about it?" Sebastian said, crossing his arms in front of him.

Jim's smile turned predatory. "I have my ways."

"Do you?" Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "By all means, do elaborate."

Jim smirked and scooted closer. In an instant, his lips were on Sebastian's, kissing him hard.

Sebastian leaned back a bit, more out of surprise than anything, but after a moment, he craned his neck forward, responding to the kiss. He wrapped his arms around Jim's back and held him there.

Jim gave a small sigh of contentment, placing one of his hands beside Sebastian's head to steady himself. He tilted his head for a better angle, keeping the kiss going.

Sebastian was very glad the doctors hadn't hooked him up to the heart monitor, because his pulse was racing fast enough to bring in every doctor on the floor. After a while, he pulled back, panting slightly. "I remember that," he laughed.

Jim chuckled lightly and rested his forehead against Sebastian's. "Aw, I almost wish you didn't," he teased. "Then I could try to remind you a few more times."

Sebastian smiled. "Now I _really_ want to get out of this place," he said as his fingers lightly traced lines up and down Jim's back.

Jim smiled and felt shivers run down his spine. "Good things come to those who wait."

Sebastian pressed another swift, light kiss to Jim's lips. "I don't recall being very patient."

"Great chance for you to learn to," Jim teased, pressing a kiss to Sebastian's forehead.

Sebastian grumbled, but the smile on his face showed that he wasn't completely angry. "Tell me something else about us," he demanded, moving over a bit so Jim could sit on the edge of his bed.

Jim accepted the silent invitation and sat on the bed. "Well...our anniversary is, obviously, December 30th... I've stayed a good amount of my time on weekends and weekdays alike at your place... You get jealous easily." He smirked a little.

"I'm not surprised. You probably get a lot of...attention," he said as he took Jim's hand and began to play with his fingers.

Jim scoffed lightly. "Something like that... Though, over spring break, we went to a beach a bit of a distance from here. And there was this boardwalk, right, and we were walking along and I saw this pin. It said 'kiss me I'm Irish' and we laughed about it. The store owner saw us and gave it to me for free. The look on your face was priceless." He chuckled at the memory. "You nearly decked the guy."

"I remember that. I told you not to wear it, because then all kinds of people would try to kiss you." Sebastian laughed. His memory was coming back surprisingly easy. He wondered how much of that had to do with Jim; it was only the good memories of the two of them that were coming back. "And you just laughed, and kissed me, right there in front of everyone. We didn't usually do things like that in public," he mused.

Jim nodded, smiling from ear to ear. "And we fake-fought for an hour, until you finally gave up and wrapped your arms around my waist and refused to let go. You threw me in the ocean too." He laughed a little, then went silent, the two of them grinning at each other like idiots.

"Have we every really fought?" Sebastian asked after thinking a bit.

Jim thought for a minute. "Valentines' Day. I was being stupid and wanted to go out and stuff, and you said no because people would see. Then I agreed and felt bad. Then you felt bad for making me feel bad, and we wound up going to our respective homes that day." He smiled a little. "Then the next day, you went out to the store and got a box of chocolate, since it was all reduced, and gave some to the class, when we both really knew it was to make it up to me..."

"Did you forgive me?" Sebastian asked, still holding lightly onto Jim's hand.

Jim laughed a little and nodded. "Of course. Can't stay mad at you."

Sebastian pulled Jim's hand closer and kissed each of his fingers. "Good. I'm sorry for anything I ever did. I'm...I'm really lucky to have you, aren't I?" he smiled.

Jim smiled and leaned forward to kiss Sebastian's forehead. "Apology accepted, though you haven't done much to upset me." He grinned. "Yeah, you are." He said smugly, before speaking more quietly, honestly. "And I'm lucky to have you."


	5. Chapter 5

_I'm so sorry this took so long to upload. I'm horrible at motivating myself. Anyway, enjoy!_

* * *

A few hours later, the nurses made Jim leave. Sebastian watched him go sadly, wondering how on earth he was going to get through his time here if Jim could only stay with him for ten hours a day. He sighed, and took his medicine as directed, then just lay in bed, staring out the window, lost in thought.

Jim went home to an empty house and did much the same thing. He tried to read, or to watch television, but he couldn't seem to concentrate on anything. In the end, he just took a hot shower and went to bed much earlier than usual.

Four days later, Sebastian was still lying in that same hospital bed. A lot of his memories had come back, but only the ones involving Jim. Naturally, he was a bit reluctant to share these with the doctors, so they thought he was making far less progress than he actually was. As promised, Jim had been there every day, sitting by the side of the bed or - more often than not - crawling up to lie next to Sebastian. They talked for hours, Sebastian sometimes asking questions about things they had done in the past as he tried to piece together his life.

Today, finally, the doctors were letting Sebastian leave. He'd told them that Jim was a friend of his, and would be helping to look after him. The nurses gave Jim the rundown on what pills to give Sebastian at what time, and general instructions on how to care for him. Jim listened intently, not wanting to get anything wrong and mess up Sebastian's medication.

Eventually, after a half-hour demonstration that was extremely tedious in Sebastian's opinion, they gave him back his clothes and the few things he'd had in his pockets and allowed Sebastian to leave.

"So, where to now?" Sebastian asked Jim as he stepped outside and breathed in his first bit of fresh air for days.

"Your place to get some clothes, then my house," said Jim decidedly. He waved over a cab for them, since neither could drive and they didn't even have a car. "I wouldn't want you to stay all alone," he said with a smile. They got into the cab and Jim gave the driver his address.

"Thanks for doing this, Jim. I mean all of it. Staying with me, letting me live with you for a while…I don't deserve such good treatment," said Sebastian earnestly as he looked at Jim.

"Of course you do," Jim replied, rolling his eyes and smiling. "You did what you had to do to stay here with me. I owe you for that." He'd come to terms with what Sebastian had done, or at least was able to pretend he had. Sebastian's self-sacrifice had been terrifying for him, and the subsequent amnesia was a huge blow as well. However, it had all been for him, for _them_, and it was over now. They would be together like they said they would.

"I think we should just call it even," Sebastian said with a smile. He placed his hand over Jim's on the cold leather of the seat. He was immensely glad that Jim had taken everything so well, and hadn't balked at the prospect of caring for him. His broken arm was in a sling now, and he wasn't allowed to do anything that would aggravate his concussion, but other than that, he felt fine. The important memories, the ones with Jim in them, had mostly come back. They would be able to get through this, and whatever happened would be a hell of a lot better than him going away to get blown up in a desert.

They spent most of the cab ride in silence, afraid to talk openly in the presence of the driver. They still held onto their accustomed secrecy, although they both refused to let go of the other's hand. They got out in front of Sebastian's flat, asking the cabbie to wait ten minutes for them. Quickly Sebastian threw some clothes, his toothbrush, and other necessities into a duffle bag, then rejoined Jim in the living room. "I could come here whenever I want to now, couldn't I? No need to hide it anymore," Jim said, marveling at the idea. Before, they'd always been worried that someone from school or one of Sebastian's neighbors would see them together and assume the worst.

"Yeah, you could. That is, once I'm done living under medical surveillance at your house," Sebastian said with a smile. Jim nudged him lightly on the arm, then took Sebastian's bag for him and went back out to the cab.

The ride to Jim's house was equally quiet. Jim was eager to be alone with Sebastian so that he could embrace him properly for the first time in way too long. After paying their fare and getting out, Jim led the way into the big house that his parents owned, fumbling with his keys in his coat pocket. "You can take the guest bedroom," he said as they went inside. Sebastian had been to Jim's house a few times before, but never for more than a few hours. Now, they were looking at a few weeks together.

"What, you're not going to let me share your bed?" asked Sebastian teasingly. He chuckled as he carefully removed his jacket and hung it on the hook next to Jim's coat. Jim, holding Sebastian's duffle bag for him, stopped in the middle of the entryway, cocking his head and looking at the older man.

"I suppose we could do that," Jim said after a moment of thought. After all, why not? His parents weren't here, there was no reason he couldn't share a bed with his boyfriend. It wasn't like they'd be 'doing anything' any time soon; not with Sebastian's arm in a sling. "I mean, if you really want to."

Sebastian turned to him and smiled nervously. At first, he'd been joking, but after thinking about it, it'd be nice to have someone to lie with during the night. "Yeah," he said at last, nodding. "Yeah, that'd be nice. I mean, the arm might get in the way," he smiled, raising his broken arm a bit, "but if you don't mind sharing…" Sebastian trailed off, a little embarrassed by the whole thing. He'd been taking things very slowly with Jim, and even though there was nothing sexual in. this, it still felt like a big step.

Jim smiled, excited at the prospect of doing something that was, in his mind, so grown up. "I'm sure we'll figure something out," he said as he slung the bag more comfortably onto his shoulder and continued down the hall towards his own room.

Jim's bedroom was very plain; austere, even. While some teenagers would have posters or pictures on the walls, Jim had kept his bare, with only the white paint for decoration. There were no knickknacks or personal items on his dresser or desk. The only think that gave evidence to it being inhabited at all was a tall bookshelf filled up with books of all sorts. They were organized, of course, first by subject (the top two shelves were for novels, the lower three were for nonfiction, mostly relating to science or psychology) then alphabetically by the author's last name. The double-sized bed was carefully made, with the navy blue duvet tucked in at the bottom end. On the desk were a lamp and an expensive laptop. Perhaps there were more things hidden away in drawers or in the closet, but from what Sebastian could tell, everything was neat and tidy.

Sebastian looked around at the room, trying to remember if he and Jim had spent much time there. Probably not, he decided. The memories he had of Jim's house were mostly centered around the living room, although he could recall being shown the other rooms of the house. "Was I this surprised when I saw your room the first time?" he asked jokingly.

Jim set Sebastian's bag down at the foot of the bed. "Yeah, you were," he said a bit sheepishly. "You said it looked like one of those bedrooms in furniture showrooms." He looked around, smiling a bit at the memory. "I just don't see the point in having things strewn everywhere. This way, I can find whatever I need. And it will make packing a lot easier."

"Packing?" asked Sebastian. He was almost afraid to sit down, as if he'd mess up the order of the room. Instead, he just stood facing Jim, slipping his good hand into the pocket of his jeans.

"When I move out," Jim clarified for him. "I mean, there's no way I'm living here forever. Even if my parents allowed me to, I'd hate it. I'm going to get a place of my own soon. Well-" he stopped, blushing a bit as he looked down at his shoes. "Or a place with you. Like we talked about." Sebastian smiled and went up to Jim, taking one of the boy's hands in his.

"I've got a place. You could move in with me. When your parents come home, we could tell them about us, and you could come live with me," he suggested. That had been the plan before all this had happened, and Sebastian saw no reason for them to do anything different. He wanted to live with Jim, as long as the boy was willing.

Jim looked up at him, nervously smiling. He nodded, it being all he could think of to do at the moment. "Yeah. That sounds nice. We'll be together, like we said we would." His grin grew wider and he let go of Sebastian's hand, choosing instead to hug him tightly. "I love you, 'Bastian," Jim mumbled into the man's shoulder.

Sebastian used his good arm to hold Jim close to him, carefully keeping the broken one out of the way. "I love you too, Jim. And I'm…I'm sorry all this happened. Thank you for not hating me."

Jim nodded slowly, not bringing his eyes up yet. He didn't hate Sebastian, he never could. But he had to admit that what the older man had done had been reckless and terrifying. "I wish you'd have let me figure something else out," Jim said quietly, trying his best not to make it sound like he was accusing him.

Sebastian's heart sank at that. He knew that what he'd done had been reckless and ill-advised, but it had gotten them what they wanted, hadn't it? "I know," Sebastian said quietly, trying to think of some way to defend himself without starting an argument. "Next time I get called back to the army, I'll let you choose how I avoid it," he said, trying to make a joke to lighten the mood. Jim sighed and rolled his eyes at that. He knew Sebastian had done his best, but still…it had been hard.

"Well, let's hope I won't have to, yeah?" Jim said. "Otherwise we'll be moving to Siberia or something, where no one will find us."

Sebastian laughed at that. "I thought you'd be content with moving across London to my flat," he said teasingly. He was glad that Jim wasn't going on about this. They had plenty of time to talk about it, and things would get easier as time went on. They'd be happy together.

"Of course I'm content with it," said Jim, stretching up on tiptoe to kiss Sebastian on the lips. "I've wanted to live with you since the day we met. I love you." Sebastian returned the kiss eagerly, smiling down at Jim as he pulled away.

"I love you too, Jim."


End file.
